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St Helens Celebrity Canoes |
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Written by Big Daddy
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Tuesday, 15 July 2008 |
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A woman helped her website to fake its own death by convincing lurkers and the sites own members that it had died in a canoe accident, a court heard yesterday.Ellie Ellins, 56, was overwhelmed with writers block and facing an increase in members demanding more content, less bollocks, she decided to concoct the story to avoid having to flood daily stream of consciousness down the forum’s front page any longer. Board members including, Knicker Sniffer, that quiet one out of the Lancashire Hotpots, Anthony Worrall Thompson and Lord Brian “Look at me here on another skiing holiday” Thong believed their board was dead after their weeping aquaintence told them via MSN: "I think it’s dead. I’m not posting on there any more, it’s up the creek without a paddle." It was suggested that : "Ellie Ellins clearly thought nothing of lying to other members and convincing them that their own forum was on its last legs and unable to perform an aquatic Eskimo roll.” According to Worrall Thompson, his whole world had fallen apart. He felt he had not just lost a local based forum, but his best friend. |
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Written by Big Daddy
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Thursday, 12 June 2008 |
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The Rest Is Up To St Helens Celebrity News.  
Following the sickening news of Josef Fritzl's daughter cum grandaughter being woken by listening to, of all things, Robbie Williams. Although a revolting thought that any member would have to endure the tubby and talentless spunk gargler, scientists believe that this is the only way that St Helens Celebrity News might come out of its own vegetative state. Thankfully, no one is suggesting that we need listen to Robbie, but they are hoping to put together a compilation of songs that might bring someone to post and then, who knows what might happen? Any suggestions can be proposed in the members forum... please. |
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St Helens Celebrity Members Shun Contact With Civilised World |
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Written by Big Daddy
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Monday, 02 June 2008 |
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Photographed from high above SHCN Towers, Parr. We can clearly see three members of the elusive St Helens Celebrity News anti-contribution team. The self isolating tribe has made a righteous effort not to have any contact with the outside world, until this plane flew overhead and took some pictures. The threat of spears and arrows against the giant metal flying bird might not seem like much, but it should be noted that these weapons have tips that are dipped in apathy and contempt. Any contact with such poison makes you... oh, forget it, I can't be arsed now. |
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