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Time Team Truck Into Town |
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Written by Lord Thong
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Tuesday, 20 March 2007 |
 Tony Robinson and his bearded chums arrived in St Helens last week to partake in a unique archaeological dig on the outskirts of the town centre, near to the Royal Mail office on Liverpool Road.
As the team were unloading their trowels of various shapes and sizes, an excited Tony explained, "We heard that the venerable St Thomas once had a dwelling in this exact area and we're hoping to find some religious artifacts and stuff." As we talked, a tubby fucker with a West Country accent and sporting a brightly-coloured jumper shouted over, "See 'ere, those burial mounds!" |
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Compensation for Fall fans |
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Written by Lord Thong
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Sunday, 18 March 2007 |
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 The Government has finally acknowledged, some 27 years later, that “Fall Gig Syndrome” is a valid condition and that victims may at long last see some compensation.
It may have merely been one night at St Helens Tech Lecture Theatre, but for those exposed to The Fall’s gig there, the scars remain un-healed. Those afflicted can be found in any downtown bar, staring into the distance, trauma marring their once-youthful features. Apparently it took three encores before they could be released.
Support groups have sprung up periodically ever since, but ironically no-one can remember if there was one on that night. |
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I was responsible for September 11th |
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Written by Lord Thong
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Sunday, 18 March 2007 |
 Johnny Wellies, has sensationally confessed to being the al-Qaida number 3 last night and admitted he was the mastermind behind the September 2001 wheelie bin tipping incident round the back of Maccy D’s on the link road.
The apparent confession has come as a revelation and a shock to locals as he has always been seen as a post modern icon in town. One source is quoted as saying that he’s always been a bit of a fantasist, saying he had a house on BoTH (Back o' Town Hall), had loads of money really and a doctorate in pshychology and that jam for toast, like most things, should be marinated in the bum cleft. |
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