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British journalist kidnapped in Afghanistan |
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Written by Lord Thong
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Tuesday, 13 March 2007 |
 An award-winning British journalist has been reported kidnapped by suspected Taliban insurgents in Afghanistan. Sources say that Woman's Own correspondent Lynn Johns-Jones disappeared when she became separated from the British army unit that she was embedded with.
Johns-Jones is renowned in journalistic circles for her doggedness, she won a Pulitzer prize in 2004 for her Woman's Own True Stories article 'My Husband of 15 years turned out to be a Woman!' The story saw Johns-Jones working undercover for 3 weeks in the remote and dangerous border regions of Newcastle. |
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Party Of The Year Upstairs At The Ged |
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Written by Lord Thong
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Tuesday, 13 March 2007 |
 Voted third fittest council estate totty last year by SHCN magazine, Colleen McLoughlin has unsurprisingly chosen to spend her 21st birthday bash in St Helens. After narrowing down her list of prospective venues to three, she has decided to give the hotly tipped Smithy Manor a miss and feel deep in her heart that holding it at the town’s most sophisticated restaurant, Le Frog, would be a bit too posh (and Becks), so they have plumped for upstairs at The Gerard. Guests will be treated to a free pint from one of four electric pumps, both bottled beers (Newky Brown and Bud) or an OJ for the ladies.
The entertainment has been the point of much discussion, our sources reveal that Colleen, 20, was disappointed when Take That refused to come to St Helens to play at her party because they are big Wigan RLFC fans, so instead she has employed the services of none other than Charlie T’s Monster Mobile Disco. Charlie of Laffak explained that he’s a little nervous but stressed his amazing collection of hits spanning four decades, including many number ones, will have them dancing before and after the buffet. |
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Written by Lord Thong
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Tuesday, 13 March 2007 |
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Readers of a local newspaper were shocked to discover, that the mud-smeared, impoverished faces of the Parr & Hardshaw 1911 Darts Team were in fact created in Photoshop. The picture appeared in Waldo Allen’s popular coffin-dodger column, “Back in th’Ice Age”, and was purported to be genuine, but alarm bells rang when an eagle-eyed reader spotted signs of nutrition on one of the players’ faces. Ivor Remadonna, who is on disability, explains:- “It’s a well-known fact that health originated in the South, and didn’t make its way to these parts until the late 70s at least, so I instantly knew something was very wrong.” |
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