Fidel Castro looking at bungalows in Laffak.  

Todd Carty pukeing up all over the Theatre Royal stage 

Steven Spielberg trying to convince certain webmasters to boycott Wing Hing chippy.

 The Archbishop of Canterbury boycotting pork products.

Local dignatories and random people in the street today expressed their disgust at the findings of a Readers Digest survery that ranked St Helens 263rd in a list of the best places to bring a child up.

Investigators toured the length and breadth of the country and looked at things like local schools, the availablity of good quality skunk, how many McDonalds there were per capita, and the likelihood of getting served in local offies. In all, 408 local authority areas were examined.

Norman Clagwinnet of Parr told St Helens Celebrity News that he was shamed that St Helens scored so highly, "Ewt above 'arfway and we want raggin"

His views were echoed by Edna O'Potato of Parr who said, "Ewt above 'arfway and we want raggin"

Marie Rimmer, taking a break from her Fork Lift Truck Driver Training Course, told us, "It's a disgrace. There were 408 areas looked at and we're much shitter than 263rd. Are these clowns trying to say there's 312 places in Britain worse than St Helens? I don't think so, but that's what you bastards get for voting Liberal Democrat."

The dreaded No1 slot went to the blue paint-smothered Jocks in East Dumbartonshire, whilst Reading picked up the top position of 408th. One consolation to embattled Sintelliners was that they eclipsed neighbouring arsewipes Wigan, who could only manage a lowly 146th place.

Full List & Story - http://www.rd.com/content/best-places-in-britain-to-bring-up-a-family/