Fidel Castro looking at bungalows in Laffak.  

Todd Carty pukeing up all over the Theatre Royal stage 

Steven Spielberg trying to convince certain webmasters to boycott Wing Hing chippy.

 The Archbishop of Canterbury boycotting pork products.

Yes, we're back with more bollocks...

Emma Bunton sat in Whiston A&E, rubbing her ankle and moaning that she's been there three an' half hours.

Shaun Woodward near the Gypo camp picking up tips on the lingo and practising saying "Der Trubbles" and "Oireland"

Three confused-looking cyclists outside the town hall exclaiming "Ceci pas le palais de Buckingham!"

Pete Doherty trying to keep warm under the bridge over the hotties

Chantelle in Cash Converter trying to pawn a ring

Tony Blair outside the Job Centre

Marilyn Manson being turned away from Lowe House for wearing lipstick

Tom Cruise unsuccessfully trying to buy a video camera from Curry's

Jonathon Creek attacking Johnny Wellies, shouting "My name is Alan!"

 Roger Fedderer practicing his backswing over on the courts at Recky Park then drinking cheap cider on the bandstand.

Ricky Gervais introducing The Loungs set by doing the Brent Dance at The St Helens Festival

David Beckham looing for new "soccer" boots in JJB.

Frank Lampard necking with some random bird at kicking out time in Nexus.

The Queen storming out of a showing of Shrek the Third and straight into Chicago Rock because someone asked her to remove her hat.

Sven looking for fresh footballing talent in the Town Team... taxi kept it's meter running, he didnt stay long.

A load of hindu monks in Westfields on Friday night, looking for a replacement fat cow to garnish praise on, just in case their sacred Shambo gets the bolt.

Ruth Kelly coming out of Tower College with her son, Child X, and an application form.

That Kate Middleton throwing bricks at the St Helens Star offices and shouting f*** off you paparazzi b*******!!!! 

Kim Jong-il buying black market fireworks on the car park of The Woodlands pub, making mushroom shapes with his arms and muttering, "we make big bang"

David Beckham in talks with St Helens Town 'as long as he's guaranteed first team football'

Madonna in Parr looking for deprived kids to adopt

Peaches Geldof trying to chat up members of Giant Root Attack at The Zoo Bar

Michael Jackson looking for underwear in the lingerie section of Tyrers

Chris Moyles doing a book signing in Wardleworths in front of 4 people. Including the shopworkers.

The Hoff in The Dali Bar trying to swap spit with anything with a pulse

St Helens's seven resident black people attending the black history month thing at the citadel

George Michael monged out in his car on Tesco car park

Top Gear's Richard Hammond doing 60 in a 40 zone, running two red lights and screaming where's the breaks on this thing... the East Lancs at Carr Mill.

 The Pope... scribbling "All Pie Eaters Are Evil Scum" on a wall in Parr. 

Tiger Woods, begging his missus to put her baps back in and climb off that table in Buzbys.

A group of LibDem & Tory councillors making a presentation to Pilks, asking them to close their factories in St Helens, "Cos we don't need jobs in this town"

Jenny Frost, Jacqui Abbott & Rick Astley all picking up gongs at the MOSHO Awards held at the Oddfellows in Parr

Chris Langham trying to score Rohypnol in Nexus

Daniel Anderson, Jamie Lyon & Jason Hooper weeping at a Steve Irwin memorial service, before laying a wreath at the Cenotaph outside the Town Hall

Whitney Houston moving into a crackhouse in Parr