Paris Hilton the hotel chain heiress is sick of being hounded by the paparazzi and has decided to leave the States, according to her close confidant, rotund council leader, Marie Rimmer.  'The girl's just had enough', slammed Marie, 'Not only is she photographed everywhere she goes, the poor girl can't even have sex in peace!' Marie goes on to reveal that Paris turned to her in her hour of need after meeting her at the St.Helens Tourism Awards, held recently at Haydock Park,  where she was presenting the award for 'Most Miserable Mobile Phone Shop Assistant'. 

After feasting on Pimbletts pies, Greggs pasties and Waterfield's custards all washed down with vintage GrunHalle, Marie goes on to say. our Paris were really impressed with the quality of our town centre shopping and the fact that New Look are moving to a larger store and extending their range of high quality fashion clothes, and she just adores BHS.

When Paris was told that we had a Hilton in town she decided there and then to up sticks and move into the penthouse suite overlooking local beauty spot Th'hotties and  Chalon Way carpark. Helmut Kohl the German general manager of this £145.00 a night luxury Hilton Resort is thrilled at the prospect of playing Mein Host to his boss, 'vot an excellent vay to add a touch of glamour to this post industrial sheiss ole'

Submitted by Ciders