Ruth Kelly coming out of Tower College with her son, Child X, and an application form.

That Kate Middleton throwing bricks at the St Helens Star offices and shouting f*** off you paparazzi b*******!!!! 

Kim Jong-il buying black market fireworks on the car park of The Woodlands pub, making mushroom shapes with his arms and muttering, "we make big bang"

David Beckham in talks with St Helens Town 'as long as he's guaranteed first team football'

Madonna in Parr looking for deprived kids to adopt

Peaches Geldof trying to chat up members of Giant Root Attack at The Zoo Bar

Michael Jackson looking for underwear in the lingerie section of Tyrers

Chris Moyles doing a book signing in Wardleworths in front of 4 people. Including the shopworkers.

The Hoff in The Dali Bar trying to swap spit with anything with a pulse

St Helens's seven resident black people attending the black history month thing at the citadel

George Michael monged out in his car on Tesco car park

Eddie Murphy and Mel B window shopping at Baby World. Then making their way to the Citadel.

Jermain Dafoe looking for a bite to eat on the all-weather at Reccy Park