| Ray Mears Survival Guide to St Helens |
| Written by Lord Thong | |
| Tuesday, 13 March 2007 | |
 Having travelled to some of the most inhospitable places on earth, Ray Mears is frequently listed as many celebs’ number one person to be marooned on a desert island with. He can light fire from two blocks of ice and rustle up a gourmet meal for two (including a bottle of wine) from nothing more than a tin of spam and a bottle of cat piss. But now 'The Mears' has agreed to his biggest challenge yet. Refusing the normal SHCN hospitality, Ray has set up a base camp in Clinkham Wood bombhole and will be exploring the Borough in the next few weeks, offering his essential survival tips along the way. Our reporter met up with the Bushcraft bloke over a pint of rustic mead in the Oddfellows, Parr. Kitted out in his familier green camouflage gear, Ray chatted with our man about his latest venture. 'I can't wait to explore the shithole, and as usual I've come prepared with my essential tools. For my St Helens expedition my kit bag comprises of nothing more than some sturdy boots, a tarpaulin, two hundred B&H, a packet of nodders and this huge leathal knife!' 'Whoah', said the landlord quickly as he witnessed the outdoor man brandishing his blade, 'You can't get that out in here, it's an offensive weapon!' 'Fuck off' replied Mears, 'Do you know who I am?' and carried on chatting. Unfortunately ten minutes Ray was arrested and is now being held in College Street Police Station. SHCN is currently negotiating with the rozzers and hope to have Ray released soon. |