| Time Team Truck Into Town |
| Written by Lord Thong | |
| Tuesday, 20 March 2007 | |
 Tony Robinson and his bearded chums arrived in St Helens last week to partake in a unique archaeological dig on the outskirts of the town centre, near to the Royal Mail office on Liverpool Road.As the team were unloading their trowels of various shapes and sizes, an excited Tony explained, "We heard that the venerable St Thomas once had a dwelling in this exact area and we're hoping to find some religious artifacts and stuff." As we talked, a tubby fucker with a West Country accent and sporting a brightly-coloured jumper shouted over, "See 'ere, those burial mounds!"  The area being excavated is due to become a swanky new retail and leisure development, bringing much-needed wine bars to the town. The dig was hurriedly organised as it is understood that the commencement of construction is imminent, with work scheduled to start sometime in 2012. Maybe.We visited Baldrick a few days into the dig to check on progress and he eagerly showed us the array of antiquities they'd unearthed. Pride of place was a sword and scabbard, in mint condition, the scabbard being lime green and the sword a dull grey. Tony explained that the general consensus it was possibly Excalibur, although the 'Made in China' on the bottom of the handle had experts rubbing their hairy chins. When I said it felt a bit plasticy, Tony mused that he sort of agreed. I was then shown a collection of medieval medical instruments, most of which were syringes of various designs, but also some spoons with blackened bases. Numerous drinking vessels made of tin were also found, many of them adorned with the words 'Tennants', 'Super', 'White' and 'Lightening' Oddly, there was no money found of any description. |