In this, the eve of the ill conceived attempt to put St Helens on the map, the council are reacting to the recent news that Tony “Mines a Whopper™” Blair has not been sufficiently heavy handed in his approach to the effect of advertising on obesity by the food industry by making sure that all high street food parlours are selling processed crap with limited nutritional value and masking it’s worth with intoxicating flavour created in a test tube.  Healthy food will be frowned upon.

The experiment is to be known as a mock and will not be known as an “exercise” as was previously reported, so as not to cause hysteria amongst the boroughs thousands of lard arses who may not be used to the word.  During the mock, fat people will be stopped in the street, given two for one deal tickets to the fast food joint of their choice and a shown the bargain booze flyer offering a crate of cheap lager for a fiver, they will then be escorted to various benches in and around St Helens to pant in the sun, sweat and contract deep vein thrombosis.

Mac Market - Deputy Editor