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Welcome to St.Helens Celebrity News

Image taken from the movie "Shoot 'em up"

Think you know what's going on in your hometown. Think you know who's who? No you fucking don't.  St Helens Celebrity News is the only place you'll get all the gossip on the movers and shakers in the post-industrial shithole that is...  'Tellins.   Read on knob jockeys. 

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Packed with Wining and Dining Reviews

Ramsay opens a drive through in Parr

Whether your a Buzby's drinker or more of a Larkins man / woman. St Helens Celebrity News has all the latest review on the town's culinary delights.  Checkout our scoop on Gordon Ramsay's new venture in Derbyshire Hill.

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And Stories Featuring Urban Legends and Real Stars

Image taken from the "Invaders"

Yes, look out Nicole, Purps is behind you. Then again, your a woman with no muscles, so you'll probably be alright. Get involved in SHCN and submit your pics and stories. Just make sure they're funny and St Helens-related.

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Not Forgetting The Latest Pop Sensations

Image taken from the movie "The Kingdom"

Scully is currently in negotiations with Take That to replace Robbie Williams. This is the kind of news only St Helens Celebrity News can find. And it's all true! We don't treat our readers like thick bastards like the tabloids do. What you read on SHCN is 100% fact, honest.

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Greetings. This is the automated voice of Nick Clegg
Written by Mac_Market   
Friday, 26 September 2008 14:04

I'm contacting you today to let you know about our campaign to get more people posting on St Helens Celebrity News.  Now although this might appear to be a nuisance call, rest assured that we are making this call for genuine market research purposes.

We want to hear from people and our prognosis of the other St Helens based forums is that they are out of touch and not listening.  I, Nick Clegg truly believe that Lord Brian Thong and SHCN are an outfit who do want to listen to what people think.  So much so that they want you to speel your shit on the forum.

 So please accept this invitation and dial "1" for THE LOUNGE, "2" for THE JUKEBOX, "3" for THE SPORTS BAR.  Come on, get involved now.  

Please note: 

THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE LURKING IN THE BACKGROUND. 

YOUR HOME MAY BE REPOSSESSED IF YOU DO NOT KEEP UP A SUITABLE POSTCOUNT ON A THREAD OR ANY AVATAR SECURED ON IT.

Rates from 7.9% to 19.9% APR – our highest rate would only be apply to those in the deepest shit.

 
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Woodward Redacted BJ

shaunwoodward

Following the recent scandal surrounding the MP's expense claims, SHCN can reveal some juicy gossip about Sainsbury heir Shaun Woodward's claims. Read more here.

Jarvis Cocker is an Alien

JarvisCocker

Irrefutable proof has been gathered that former Pulp frontman Jarvis Cocker is not actually a humand being, but an alien from the planet Thaarg.  Read more here...

Ramsay's Parr Restaurant

GordonRamsay

Following the recent success of Jamie Oliver's take over bid for the Spicy Chicken, top foul-mouthed chef Grodon Ramsay is now after a piece of the action. Read more here...