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The SHCN Cinema

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Welcome to St.Helens Celebrity News

Image taken from the movie "Shoot 'em up"

Think you know what's going on in your hometown. Think you know who's who? No you fucking don't.  St Helens Celebrity News is the only place you'll get all the gossip on the movers and shakers in the post-industrial shithole that is...  'Tellins.   Read on knob jockeys. 

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Packed with Wining and Dining Reviews

Ramsay opens a drive through in Parr

Whether your a Buzby's drinker or more of a Larkins man / woman. St Helens Celebrity News has all the latest review on the town's culinary delights.  Checkout our scoop on Gordon Ramsay's new venture in Derbyshire Hill.

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And Stories Featuring Urban Legends and Real Stars

Image taken from the "Invaders"

Yes, look out Nicole, Purps is behind you. Then again, your a woman with no muscles, so you'll probably be alright. Get involved in SHCN and submit your pics and stories. Just make sure they're funny and St Helens-related.

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Not Forgetting The Latest Pop Sensations

Image taken from the movie "The Kingdom"

Scully is currently in negotiations with Take That to replace Robbie Williams. This is the kind of news only St Helens Celebrity News can find. And it's all true! We don't treat our readers like thick bastards like the tabloids do. What you read on SHCN is 100% fact, honest.

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Latest Members

St Helens Celebrity Canoes
Written by Big Daddy   
Tuesday, 15 July 2008 14:36

Ellie Ellins 

A woman helped her website to fake its own death by convincing lurkers and the  sites own members that it had died in a canoe accident, a court heard yesterday.Ellie Ellins, 56, was overwhelmed with writers block and facing an increase in members demanding more content, less bollocks, she decided to concoct the story to avoid having to flood daily stream of consciousness down the forum’s front page any longer.

 

Board members including, Knicker Sniffer, that quiet one out of the Lancashire Hotpots, Anthony Worrall Thompson and Lord Brian “Look at me here on another skiing holiday” Thong believed their board was dead after their weeping aquaintence told them via MSN: "I think it’s dead. I’m not posting on there any more, it’s up the creek without a paddle."

 

It was suggested that : "Ellie Ellins clearly thought nothing of lying to other members and convincing them that their own forum was on its last legs and unable to perform an aquatic Eskimo roll.”

According to Worrall Thompson, his whole world had fallen apart. He felt he had not just lost a local based forum, but his best friend.

 
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Woodward Redacted BJ

shaunwoodward

Following the recent scandal surrounding the MP's expense claims, SHCN can reveal some juicy gossip about Sainsbury heir Shaun Woodward's claims. Read more here.

Jarvis Cocker is an Alien

JarvisCocker

Irrefutable proof has been gathered that former Pulp frontman Jarvis Cocker is not actually a humand being, but an alien from the planet Thaarg.  Read more here...

Ramsay's Parr Restaurant

GordonRamsay

Following the recent success of Jamie Oliver's take over bid for the Spicy Chicken, top foul-mouthed chef Grodon Ramsay is now after a piece of the action. Read more here...